There was nothing but her.

For the first time since those dreams started, she was met with just the void upon entering this land of dreams.

Hiromi scanned the area around her and upon finding nothing, she decided to simply walk forward. She walked and walked, the same void surrounding her from every side. It went for what felt like months— no, years.

Only curiosity was keeping her from stopping moving. Only this eagerness rewarded her with something.

As she looked around once more, she noticed the void becoming that of a darker color. A slight panic set in her heart at the lack of light. Yet before this feeling had a chance to grow into something more intense, a small point of light appeared in front of her. And another one, right beside. And then another one. And before she could even notice, the whole void become a night sky, glittered with shining stars in every direction.

Constellations danced around, for her eyes to fully take in and soul to rejoice.

A familiar warmth embraced her as she joined that joyous dance.

Hiromi awoke with darkness engulfing her all around. The moonlight crept in through the window’s cracks, illuminating small parts of the surroundings around her. Just as usual, she was lying on the kitchen couch. The wooden furniture creaked slightly when she moved around to stretch.

She tapped around on the table in search of her glasses, as to get rid off the blurriness that stretched in a not so small radius from her. With finding and putting them on, she sat up, slight drowsiness still fogging her mind.

This dream was a mixture of many different artificial emotions. Fear and joy, uneasiness and safety. It gave her both a weird feeling in its aftermath and calmed the worries in her heart. Although more than anything, restlessness was stirring inside of her. She wanted to get rid off it.

Hiromi got up from her seat, and headed straight to the front door.

Wandering aimlessly, her feet took her to a place that her eyes had already seen.

In the middle of a small glade, stood a building, a warehouse where she last saw Ayami. Hiromi felt a lump in her throat at the memories flowing in from that event. There may have been some distractions in recent days but even they didn’t manage to truly take away those haunting thoughts. It didn’t matter how much she tried to push them away as well, they’re just always there, reminding. It might be time to face them finally.

With a tad of hesitation, she took a step towards the structure in front of her, then another, and another, and another. Then she went through the open front doors as there was no one else to close them. Then she found herself in the middle of a massive room and even she felt small in its presence.

Thoughts were overflowing her mind at this point, screaming and wailing inside her head.

I’m sorry, she almost said out loud, but different thoughts stopped those words from coming out. Did she really mean that? Did the one that she tried to say that to deserves those apologies? To who did she want to say that truly?

I’m sorry, but should she be? She took one’s life away, against her morals. But what would not doing so cause? Would Ayami still harass Shion over and over if she lived? Does this fact makes the act good? Did killing a bad person makes her bad as well just because of the action itself?

I’m sorry, even though she wasn’t the direct reason for her death. It was her father, her father killed her. But she still caused harm on her and she still would have died, regardless if her father did or didn’t do it.

I’m sorry, because her job was to save others. Because she didn’t want to see people die. And she committed to that. She was the reason for another’s death. She did something that she swore to protect others from.

I’m sorry, she thought to herself. I became like my father, didn’t I?

Those feelings kind of made sense now, why it was all haunting her.

Hiromi caught her heart beat speeding up, causing her to spiral out of those thoughts. It was becoming too much for her body to handle. Again.

Breath in, hold, breathe out.

Calm down.

Repeat.

She sat there in silence, balancing her breath until she regained control over all the functions in her body. Only the breeze of the night was her companion on this lonely night. It bumped gently on the sweat on her skin, giving her a short-lived relief of coldness.

Her thoughts were still a mess, but a more controlled one now. She still felt guilty for what she had done, it was a rather big deal. However, she still had this thought deep inside, that what she did was right nonetheless. No matter how she looked at it, the fact is that she got rid off of someone who did things way worse than what Hiromi did to her. Of course if what Shion said about Ayami was true. She didn’t really feel like the other lied to her, but if looking at it logically, she’d need a concrete evidence of one’s wrongdoings to make the victim’s statement truthful. Well, Ayami’s words at their last meeting had pretty much validated everything.

Even with all this justifying of her actions, it didn’t take away this feeling hanging on her heart. It wasn’t just guilt, it was something more, something different. It felt like she crossed this invisible boundary that she has set herself. She got to it close once, back when she hurt Miru. When her hands became stained with their blood.

The invisible line, to which she wanted stay as far away from as she could. And now she stood on the other side. The mental barrier set, now broken.

“I’m a monster.”

Her words came out in a whisper, barely audible to anyone else but herself.

One of the things that Hiromi didn’t want was to become like her father. Many were blind to his wrong doings, but not her, one of his victims. He was violent, he hurt others. She feared that if she did the same things as he did, she’d become just like him.

If she was violent, if she hurt others…

Breath in, hold, breathe out.

Calm down.

Repeat.

She needs to think about this more logically. His actions were committed in the name of something different that those of Hiromi’s. He didn’t hurt for the sake of safety of others. It was all for himself, his gain, his morale.

Her father didn’t see Hiromi as a part of his family. She was more of a subordinate to him rather than anything else. From the earliest days of her life, he had a set plan for his daughter. He molded her to his wishes, ignored parts breaking under the pressure, until she fit the role prepared for her.

But than never came out to be, now did it?

Hiromi saw what her father was trying to do to her. She saw that mold that did not fit her, it was not meant for her, no matter how hard she was being pushed into it. So she escaped, leaving it and him behind, but so did she leave everything that she ever loved and hold dear to her heart.

She left her family behind. Her mother, who was there for her at her lowest points to gently grab her by the hand and guide towards the stars. Her sister, who, annoying at times, appreciated her nonetheless and accepted for who she was. Her brother, who always was ready to protect her from any danger that he could have.

She left her friends behind. Kenji, who truly was like a part of their family at this point, at least to her. He’s been there ever since she was little, and who could bear the problems that she couldn’t share with anyone else. And he always kept her secrets to himself.

She left her home behind. Not just the building, that she spent her whole life living in, but her city, her country. The whole Eunade, her home planet, was left behind and she doesn’t even know if she’ll be able to see it ever again. It’s as if it never existed in the first place, only her memories were able to prove that it’s there, that it was there.

She left… something behind. It’s as if her soul itself was telling her that something is missing, a hole inside it, waiting. There was always something missing.

Now there was nothing.

She arrived here empty, stripped of everything and everyone. She had to start her life from the very beginning. It was hard without any mold, without any concept of how things run around here or what she could expect. She had no idea of what she was supposed to be, how to be.

The first meeting with a person being that with Ayami was not a good thing that could have happened. It shaped her view of any future beings, creating this predisposition that everyone is after her, firstly make her safe and then attack. Therefore, she made this barrier between herself and everyone else. Wrapped in solitude, she felt as this was the safer way, even if it made her miserable.

Even now, she was all alone. Quite ironic.

She had… friends, here. Yet, there was not one around. No one, because of her own actions. She preferred to try and go to the stars blindly, rather than take a chance and let somebody else light up a path for her. She preferred to let the misery stir and boil inside her heart, rather than to let it finally spill out. The warmth was a familiar feeling, even if it hurt. After losing everything, she didn’t want to let go of the last thing she knew, even if it could be the end of her.

So strange and complicated feelings are.

Hiromi took a deep breath, before she spoke.

“I’m sorry.”

It wasn’t directed at anything or anybody specific. It could have been said to herself as well.

She got up from the ground, shaking off bits of dirt that stick to her sweaty skin. Maybe for the last time, maybe not, she looked at the warehouse that surrounded her. It was now a place of symbol, sharing her memories with itself.

Without another word, she turned to the entrance doors, making sure to close them after exiting the building.